Quiet

Why can we not speak our minds? Why is it so hard to express thoughts, emotions, and desires to one another? Is it the evolution of past experiences that bind us to this never-ending silence, that we sit in our silence and fret over what should have been said or needs to be said instead of just being honest and forthcoming. We sit in our miserable states waiting for someone to talk, no matter how painful the topic might become or already is. We need that ability to move on in life, be it the way you want or the process of healing. Either way, it is a silence that cannot be ignored for it will consume every inch of you, inhabit your thoughts, and invade your soul until you are paralyzed with uncertainty. The sound of silence can be refreshing but it also can be a permanent reminder of just how alone we really are.

Awkward Silence

It’s that moment, the one with the awkward silence. Someone wants to say something, needs to say something, yet everything remains unsaid. The air palpable while you wait for the next word or breath to be taken. Why is it that we are so afraid of our emotions, or other people’s emotions for that matter? Why can we just not be truthful with each other? I know that the past is a major player in the the game of hide and seek of emotion and feelings, but what are we really gaining by keeping the right to remain silent?

Choosing the Path.

Confused, bewildered, befuddled, all words that describe learning about life, love, and just being alive. One minute things seem to be right on track, maybe a bit askew from where you thought they would be, but nonetheless going on a good path. Bam!!! You are blindsided by feelings that come from no where. Am I ok? Did I do something wrong? Am I making sure I did everything right? Insecurity is a bitch and there is nothing any of us can do about it but sit and hope for the best when it strikes. We all have been there, do not try to sell me out on you have never experienced it. We all have, for we all have own little peccadilloes. You try and tell yourself that your ok with everything in your life, you go from day to day making the ends meet, the I’s dotted, and the t’s crossed. Then you look at the person in the mirror one day and just say “Who the hell are you and what are you doing?” You find yourself confronted with situations where you thought you would feel one thing but you’re on the complete other side of the spectrum when you come right to it. The road that we choose I think in reality chooses us. We tend to never be able to make our own paths, we may be able to lay the foundations, but the path itself is a completely insane journey of twists, turns, and ultimately a few tears that cannot be foretold. It is never easy this life, but then again,if it were easy it wouldn’t be worth living.

Romance and Movies.

Ok. I think it is safe to say that many of us have watched way too many old-fashioned romantic movies. I admit it, I am one of them. I am at least steadfast in knowing that no one is going to show up at my door telling me that the sun, moon, and stars revolves around my getting up every morning. Nor am I so stuck in my “Casablanca” world to think that that the one person is going to wake up one morning and realize that I am the one. Movies are a downfall and a weakness to the female agenda and a hardship to all males in the world. We tend to fall into the realm of thinking that THAT is how life should be, that we should be swept up in a whirlwind of romantic notions and dreamy settings that we can rekindle time and again. Would it be nice if we could have those moments, of course. However, I am starting to find that it is those little moments of “wonderful” that you get that are just as promising as what you would get from a “huge” production. There is just as much thought, or maybe not, into those little things. Maybe it was just a word or two, or a phone call, or maybe it was just a funny thing that happened on the way to the Forum… (Ha) but it was something. That something made you tingle and smile, and that was worth everything.

The Voice That Used To Be

Once Upon A Time….The beginning of every fairy tale that ever was. That was the beginning of my life as a singer. I used to love being on that stage, the large spotlight shining on my long blonde hair as it flowed in the fans as I belted out each song that was given to me. Soaking up the applause from the crowd as I ended the high notes, realizing that I was actually good at something, this something that made me noticeable. Singing was a release, a release of emotions that had been pent up of over the years. I could sing about anger, frustration, love, or just about life. It did not matter who I was when I walked out on stage, it was who I was when I opened my mouth that counted. Knowing I could tell someone how I feel without them knowing I was speaking to them was the most powerful experience in existence. Only a singer can feel that power, that strength. You can reveal so much about your soul through a song. Time went on however, children came, and so did life. Singing became a distant memory. My kids ask me to sing a great deal, loving to hear all their favorite songs from mom. Friends get an added bonus as they have a free soloist at their weddings and events, and I get the memory of the spotlight. I remember how hot and inviting it felt on my face and the shouts from the crowd as I finished. I remember what is was like to open my mouth and have people in awe. It was an extraordinary feeling, one that is only felt once in a lifetime I suppose. I am one of the lucky few that were able to experience that rush, that thrill of the stage. I am so very thankful I was able to experience the limelight, even if it was so very short-lived.

Mirror Of Reality.

Learning who you are is a joyful yet painful struggle. You must learn the ups and the downs of yourself. Looking full fledged into the mirror of reality can be a kick in the ass if you’re not mentally prepared for what you’re going to see. I find that when you look deep within yourself, the demons that you have been wrestling can either leave or fight harder than ever imagined. So, the question is do we really need to look? Do we really need to see what is lurking below to see what it is that is waiting for us on the other side? I am finding that inevitably the answer is yes. Unfortunately, we must find out what those pesky little rascals have in there that is keeping us from the joys of the outside world. We all want to experience the laughter, the romance, and the joyful whispers of happiness ringing in our ears. Some of us want to experience that in just being able to move on with life, others want to find that in one another. Which ever the case maybe, it is that mirror of reality that is the key to what we need to find I am afraid. It is what holds us to face up to what we really need to achieve to find our goals, what ever they may be.

Why Must Everything End in Love?

Disclaimer: The following post was composed after a converstation with a few people who could not understand why we all must be in love or committed in some fashion. This being posed to a die-hard end-all be all Casablanca type romantic ( even though sadley I must confess I am one of those people!)...Sheeshh!!!

When we think about relationships and ultimately sex, we equate that to love. Why does everything have to end in love? Are we supposed to have this fulfilling notion each and every time we find ourselves attracted to an individual? In our society it seems as if we say if you’re not in love or you not attached, you’re broken. You have some piece of the puzzle missing and you just simply cannot be whole until you find it. Wouldn’t it be a shocker to most to find out that some of us are just happy and content not having to argue over which side of the bed to sleep on or who was the last to use the toilet paper! These little things are quite nice on occasion but for the most part can be quite tedious and time constraining. Why can’t a relationship be just a relationship? Two people share conversation, they laugh, they eat together on occasion, and yes, there are intimate moments shared between the two. However, they have separate lives, homes, and know where their limits are. What is broken about that? Why does society have such an outlook on people who know who they are and are not afraid of being themselves?