Suffocation

So many of us walk through the day, stoic, putting on the best face possible. Defeating our odds, the walls that surround us that we are determined not to let get the better of us. Then occasionally, some of us realize that we cannot fight all the demons that are thrust at us. We find little pieces of who we are, who we used to be, and who we still hope and pray we will be again. We let life, trials and tribulations, rule the path instead of demanding our path fall in line with us. We settle. We settle for things that suffocate the person within. We say we don’t need this or that, that we can be something else for the sake of the greater good in a situation, but really, we can’t. We have to face the dreams lost, the “other” us in the mirror everyday. We have to face that which we do not let others face with us. We think we are hiding what we have hidden, but someone will notice, someone will see the depth to which you hide who you really are, good or bad. We realize we are not the only one who hears the screaming coming from far away; it is usually though the other person that realizes that screaming is coming ourselves.

What is Love?

What is love? Is it just a feeling, a thought, an action, or is it all of it? Has anyone figured out how to explain love? How to put it into words so that someone can understand what “love” consists of? How do we muttle through if one person’s version of “love” is different than the other? Can these two co-exist with each other, or is it just an affair doomed from the start? Even the most perfectly matched pair seems to fall if the version of “love” is not matched correctly. How do we know which love is right or wrong, or is all love right and we just have to learn to accept within ourselves the version of “love” that is right for us and handle the pain when we realize it is not with whom we thought.

Facebook

Being on Facebook is like watching high school reruns on occasions. I have been faced with the all to astounding notion that, unfortunately, immaturity does not improve with age for some people. I have watched people friend others that were just absolutely cruel to them in high school, and wonder what on EARTH would that person have to say to the other all these years later? I have watched as one person totally wrote off another friend that they had for 20 years because they did not like the person they were going to marry. ASTOUNDING? Really, friendship is that superficial? I have watched people who barely know each other form friendships that are more meaningful then ones that they have had for years, and watched others drift away silently. Facebook really is quite a place to people watch. It would probably make quite a thesis for someone somewhere I would imagine. I am probably missing the boat on this one? AH well, if you do, send me my kudos where due thank you.

Facebook | Creative Thinking

Facebook Creative Thinking

The hardest things are when you least expect them.

The last thing that you want to face in life is the fight for life of your best friend. In a rare case, my best friend happens to be my mother. Since birth, we have shared a bond that I do believe is rare and unbreakable. I was born with a disorder that bonded us, that made it impossible for us to be apart. We wept together, we laughed together, and we fought together. We have made it through unspeakable journeys, we have lived through teen pregnancy, we have both pain stakingly watched my grandmother transform from a vivacious woman to a feable one. Now, as I grow older I watch my mother in a fight for her life. I have never experienced anything as difficult, for I do not know how to live without my mother. I want to hold her and tell her I will never be the same without her, that no matter what we have been through, I will never be able to be that close to anyone. That I cannot bear the thought of not picking up the phone and have her on the other end of the line. That I want her to see me finally be happy, to marry the man of my dreams. I know I cannot, that I have to be brave. That I am the one who is the strong one now, I will have to hold her hand when she cries, or when she is feeling ill. I will weep for her so she cannot see me. I will make sure she has the best of the time she has left, however long that may be. My mother is the greatest woman on earth, I can only hope that in the end, I can be her hero, as she has been mine.

Torn between the life wanted, the life needed, and the life in between.

How do you survive that, how do you find your footing when you cannot have what you want, have to fight for what you need, and struggle to find the strength to be ok with what you have to do in the mean time? What if the life wanted never comes? What if it does, but you’re so spent from what you have had to do to that point you cannot enjoy it? When the life you need is never in reach, you never attain it. You live in the in between, watching others have the needed and wanted lives, and your forced to stuff so many feelings because nothing can change it.

A Dream

Words of laughter, words of love. Finding time, making time. Being important, feeling important. Losing loneliness, finding faith. Family importance, real family. Support, kindness, romance. Being needed, finding a need.

This is a dream of love, of real love. Have you realized the dream?