Hidden

You sit in the room alone, waiting for a sign that life isn’t going to be just staring at the walls. You wait to hear some form of sound, some ray of light that will enable you to escape the life you have learned to live. You have become lost in your own life, unable to find it for your too busy helping others live theirs. You see the world as if you’re looking through a window, yet you cannot open it to let life wash over you. You scream into the darkness yet no one can hear you, no one knows you’re there. You walk through life hearing the sounds of laughter, of love, of friendships, yet you cannot allow yourself to join for it will all end in hurt for you cannot give them the time they need or want. Friends drift away, unable to understand the time consuming responsibilities you have and have always had. They leave feeling shunned when all you wanted more than anything was to be free, to be able to make them feel nothing but loved and needed, you just didn’t have anything left. Ice princess, cold and unfeeling, is what you hear. No one remembers the loyalty and warmth you had before you were drawn into the depth of what you live, they only see the girl that crosses her arms to hold out the world. The girl that looks at her shoes to hide the tears that are ready to burst forth any minute, threatening her persona of strong and hard. The girl who would rather you think she was unfeeling, cold, and aloof then show you that she was scared of everything.

Words

Words are words, for most of us think, to form simple sentences to make up conversation to pass the time or to retrieve information. Hellos and Goodbye’s expressed as gestures of good will. We seldom really listen to those words nor do we seldom use them to make sure that those who need to hear words hear them. We are so fast-paced in this world we forget to say them before it is too late or listen to something someone said before they were gone. Words are the most important tool we are given in this life; they can make us heard, understood, loved, hated, important, belittled, and comforted. They are the lifeline between us and those around us. We must always remember to tell those around us exactly what we are feeling, exactly when we feel. Damn the consequences or hesitation, life is but a fleeting glimmer that we must embrace daily. We forget that, and then it is gone.

The hope for new.

A young girl, looks out her window watching the world go by. She sits and dreams that she is out with them, living life to the fullest instead of being trapped in her quiet, boring life. She longs to run with care-free abandon, to feel the cool, crisp night air hit her face and remind her she is alive. She longs to visit different places, to make memories to cover the ones that live with her now. She longs to escape the painful past that haunts her every day, to forget even though she has forgiven. She longs to look into someone’s eyes and see the passion that has eluded her. She longs for a day where she doesn’t feel alone, she doesn’t feel as if she is fighting to be there. She just longs for life.

Suffocation

So many of us walk through the day, stoic, putting on the best face possible. Defeating our odds, the walls that surround us that we are determined not to let get the better of us. Then occasionally, some of us realize that we cannot fight all the demons that are thrust at us. We find little pieces of who we are, who we used to be, and who we still hope and pray we will be again. We let life, trials and tribulations, rule the path instead of demanding our path fall in line with us. We settle. We settle for things that suffocate the person within. We say we don’t need this or that, that we can be something else for the sake of the greater good in a situation, but really, we can’t. We have to face the dreams lost, the “other” us in the mirror everyday. We have to face that which we do not let others face with us. We think we are hiding what we have hidden, but someone will notice, someone will see the depth to which you hide who you really are, good or bad. We realize we are not the only one who hears the screaming coming from far away; it is usually though the other person that realizes that screaming is coming ourselves.

What is Love?

What is love? Is it just a feeling, a thought, an action, or is it all of it? Has anyone figured out how to explain love? How to put it into words so that someone can understand what “love” consists of? How do we muttle through if one person’s version of “love” is different than the other? Can these two co-exist with each other, or is it just an affair doomed from the start? Even the most perfectly matched pair seems to fall if the version of “love” is not matched correctly. How do we know which love is right or wrong, or is all love right and we just have to learn to accept within ourselves the version of “love” that is right for us and handle the pain when we realize it is not with whom we thought.

Facebook

Being on Facebook is like watching high school reruns on occasions. I have been faced with the all to astounding notion that, unfortunately, immaturity does not improve with age for some people. I have watched people friend others that were just absolutely cruel to them in high school, and wonder what on EARTH would that person have to say to the other all these years later? I have watched as one person totally wrote off another friend that they had for 20 years because they did not like the person they were going to marry. ASTOUNDING? Really, friendship is that superficial? I have watched people who barely know each other form friendships that are more meaningful then ones that they have had for years, and watched others drift away silently. Facebook really is quite a place to people watch. It would probably make quite a thesis for someone somewhere I would imagine. I am probably missing the boat on this one? AH well, if you do, send me my kudos where due thank you.

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