caging the animal.

You left her there, alone. What did you expect her to do? Did you expect her to sit and wait patiently for years and years while you lived your life the way you wanted before you decided it was time to pay attention to her? A young, vibrant woman put in a corner to be locked away in a tower on display only. You act surprised and hurt that she decided to live her life, to break free of the shackles of loneliness and become what she once was, ALIVE. To feel what everyone needs and craves- affection, friendship, passion, and love. You still beg her to be yours, to live this one sided fairy tale. To live by your rules, your way of thinking. This is a woman who cannot be tamed, she is wild, carefree. She was a wild animal trapped in a cage only to break free. You were naive in thinking that you could keep her away from life, from being herself. From being so full of tenacity and over whelming spirit. It is painful lesson you still haven't learned.

Each shell is different, each edge reflecting the wash of the ravage of the wave. You pick up , inspecting deciding on if this particular shell is right for your collection. This process much like the one we use for friends, lovers, partners, etc. Why do we pay so much attention to edges? Why can we not look past the edges and look to the deep insides first? The parts that matter most without worrying how the outside reflection might matter to others before deciding if we proceed?

someday

No one told her life would be this hard. No one said that she, at 35, would be taking care of her mother and grandmother while raising her two children on her own. No one told her that all of her goals would have been put on hold at age 19 because a young man couldn’t understand the word no and she accepted the life of single motherhood. She did what she had to do, grinned and bared it. She made it through two terrible marriages. She made through the lies of a five year relationship built on the trust of the heart of a woman who believe in the best of everyone, even when the best really isn’t there. She still tries to see the good when there is nothing but horrid darkness around her. Even when there is nothing left, she hopes that there is. She still tries to believe in the Cinderella story even though she turned into a pumpkin long ago. Someday, maybe, things will all work out

Everyone needs love, right?

What happens when you’re missing the “love” gene? Are you destined to be alone, is there anyone out there strong enough to crack the hard, icy exterior you have had to create in order to survive? Are you worth the risk of losing everything just to be with you? You hope and pray that you are not completely broken, that there is a small, glimmer of hope shining deep inside. You hope that there is something out there, waiting in on the horizon hiding in the darkness that consumes you. You want beyond reason to be close rather than the arms length person you have always been, always untrusting of the other. You know that you’re going to have to reach deep, pull hard to find what you’re looking for. Everyone needs love, right?

Hidden

You sit in the room alone, waiting for a sign that life isn’t going to be just staring at the walls. You wait to hear some form of sound, some ray of light that will enable you to escape the life you have learned to live. You have become lost in your own life, unable to find it for your too busy helping others live theirs. You see the world as if you’re looking through a window, yet you cannot open it to let life wash over you. You scream into the darkness yet no one can hear you, no one knows you’re there. You walk through life hearing the sounds of laughter, of love, of friendships, yet you cannot allow yourself to join for it will all end in hurt for you cannot give them the time they need or want. Friends drift away, unable to understand the time consuming responsibilities you have and have always had. They leave feeling shunned when all you wanted more than anything was to be free, to be able to make them feel nothing but loved and needed, you just didn’t have anything left. Ice princess, cold and unfeeling, is what you hear. No one remembers the loyalty and warmth you had before you were drawn into the depth of what you live, they only see the girl that crosses her arms to hold out the world. The girl that looks at her shoes to hide the tears that are ready to burst forth any minute, threatening her persona of strong and hard. The girl who would rather you think she was unfeeling, cold, and aloof then show you that she was scared of everything.

Words

Words are words, for most of us think, to form simple sentences to make up conversation to pass the time or to retrieve information. Hellos and Goodbye’s expressed as gestures of good will. We seldom really listen to those words nor do we seldom use them to make sure that those who need to hear words hear them. We are so fast-paced in this world we forget to say them before it is too late or listen to something someone said before they were gone. Words are the most important tool we are given in this life; they can make us heard, understood, loved, hated, important, belittled, and comforted. They are the lifeline between us and those around us. We must always remember to tell those around us exactly what we are feeling, exactly when we feel. Damn the consequences or hesitation, life is but a fleeting glimmer that we must embrace daily. We forget that, and then it is gone.

The hope for new.

A young girl, looks out her window watching the world go by. She sits and dreams that she is out with them, living life to the fullest instead of being trapped in her quiet, boring life. She longs to run with care-free abandon, to feel the cool, crisp night air hit her face and remind her she is alive. She longs to visit different places, to make memories to cover the ones that live with her now. She longs to escape the painful past that haunts her every day, to forget even though she has forgiven. She longs to look into someone’s eyes and see the passion that has eluded her. She longs for a day where she doesn’t feel alone, she doesn’t feel as if she is fighting to be there. She just longs for life.