Torn between the life wanted, the life needed, and the life in between.

How do you survive that, how do you find your footing when you cannot have what you want, have to fight for what you need, and struggle to find the strength to be ok with what you have to do in the mean time? What if the life wanted never comes? What if it does, but you’re so spent from what you have had to do to that point you cannot enjoy it? When the life you need is never in reach, you never attain it. You live in the in between, watching others have the needed and wanted lives, and your forced to stuff so many feelings because nothing can change it.

A Dream

Words of laughter, words of love. Finding time, making time. Being important, feeling important. Losing loneliness, finding faith. Family importance, real family. Support, kindness, romance. Being needed, finding a need.

This is a dream of love, of real love. Have you realized the dream?

Later Factor

Sit and wait, it is the inevitable answer that life is always handing you. The corner is not just a time out for two year olds, it is the place in which you have been put and must stay for the majority of your life while the rest of the world rushes by. You hear the world is what you make of it, you only get out of it what you put into it but no matter how hard you try it just is not enough to make that stick. You’re not enough, not enough to make anything worth while. You’re the later factor, the later factor for the whole world. Everyone will get to it later. You have to get to it now, your responsible for everything and everyone. Responsible for so much for so long, so much so that you do not know who you are. YOU were lost so long ago, lost in a dark world that hides behind the perpetual smile that can only be pasted for so long before it has to break. Shameful do you feel when it does, not wanting anyone to see when it does. Trying to hide all the reasons why, for your not supposed to feel, need to feel, know how to feel.

feelings.

Scared, bewildered, happy, in love, miserable, alone, forgotten, comfortable, and incredibly frightened.

Can we survive ourselves?

I received a video from a friend recently that unhinged my writers block and set my mind free on a whirlwind of thoughts. This country is in a decline of serious proportions. We can blame presidents, we can blame senior leadership, however when it comes right down to it we only can blame ourselves. I say this because we allow our government to be soft, unyielding in their appointments with hidden agendas. We are letting our country die and no one is willing to stand up for the fight. We are a country who, without realizing it, condemns our soldiers for fighting for us. We obliterate their missions and their pride with our words of protest. Yes, we have the right to protest, but how far are we willing to go before we understand that we are protesting the wrong things? You say that we should leave the war, but do you know why you say that? Have you done the research in which to stand on your principle belief? You say that we are too vile in our ways of getting answers, but we allow thousands of Americans and other societies to be brutally murdered and tortured without a word. We as a people need to rise up and face the outside world as a strong a nation as we were in earlier years. Newt Gringrich stated this, “In World War II, in 4 years we defeated Nazi Germany, Fascist Italy, and Imperial Japan”. In going on his statement, we must go within ourselves and ask the question why or how did that take place. How did our country, in age far behind in technology as we are today, take a simpler way and a shorter time frame? The answer is simple if not blunt; we simple do not care about our country. There are no more days of old where people got together to boost the moral of our soldiers, we are just to busy fighting against the cause. Americans, we were hit on our soil. It was not the first and it will not be the last. Did we do it the right way, maybe not. However, we must stand and fight for we are not safe in our little world anymore. There are masses of people, out there just waiting for the chance to destroy America. The sad part is at this point, they do not have to lift a finger, for we as Americans are doing a good job of it on our own.

Unrequited Love

You sit and you wait, wait for some sign that you’re not just waiting for some empty end. That everything your going through, everything you have felt, will feel, and are feeling isn’t just one sided, that the love is just as big on both ends of the road. You live in a world of quiet love, secretive love, one-sided love. You hear the stories of the past, told that you can never relive those for that part of life is gone, you can only live for what you can scrounge up. You hear stories of things that still happen, but without you, things that should happen for you too, but cannot and will not for you are to far apart for those things- both physically and mentally. For you represent both hope and hurt which is something that may never be able to be conquered. You are punished for what you have never done nor been given a chance to prove wrong. You smile quietly as you pretend to understand why you are so shut out, because you have been hurt just as much, maybe even more so and have still chosen to let in this love. You sit and wonder what could possible be the misfiring in you that makes this the most unconceivable thought, completely loving you. What is so completely lacking in you that just makes you this unwanted, unloved, un-needed? You try to answer this question, but it is lost for you have no answers. You will never have answers for you are to afraid to ask the questions, afraid of losing what you hold most dear to you, this one-sided love is the love of your life, the love you have had since you were very young. You would take a one-sided love and little attention that you do receive over none at all, for unrequited love is just as romantic even if it is the most painful.

Living Life in Fear

Living life in fear, so many do it and yet so many do not fully understand the meaning. Some fear what might happen if they give their heart again. For others, it is just the fear of getting out of bed in the morning because they have no idea what may lie ahead of them as their feet hit that cold, hard floor. Then for some, it is just the fear of life. The fear of everything that has come before, what is happening, and what is coming. The fact that they must live their lives completely for other people, not a moment for themselves, nothing ever being asked about what it is they might want. Nothing in place except for the lives of everyone around them, sitting quietly in a dark room waiting for the next command, the altercation that is waiting around the bend, sitting hoping that they forget about them-forget that they exist just even for a moment. Letting them have a minute of a life that could be theirs, even if it is really just a fantasy. Alone in the room realizing that even the life ahead is what is going to be totally of what someone else can do, and lived through the eyes of another, even though this life is different, even though in a odd, sometimes lonely way, they will loved in this way. Living as they do, living in fear of your own life, of your own daily tasks, is a hard, bumpy road to live down. Sometimes it is concealed in a lovely package, none ever knowing what truly lies beneath the surface. Those who live in fear hide from the world outside of themselves, for it is too hard for them to truly see what it is that they cannot be or ever have. For in the real world, rescues are only on DVD’s.