Save the Last Dance?

Thoughts jumbled, mind racing. You cannot even start to wrap your mind around what in the hell is happening to you. You pick up the phone twenty times just to put it back down again, shaking your head that you even picked it up. You stop yourself by screaming into the mirror, asking what it is that you think you are doing. You look yourself dead in the eyes, asking the ultimate question- Can you do this? Is this actually something you can accomplish? You leave a trail of mass destruction behind you farther and wider than any hurricane or Tsunami ever recorded. You know you are incapable of bullshit, intolerable of closeness, yet you stand here completely vulnerable because you, the iron wall of emotions and strength have been completely obliterated. You have no idea who the person there in mirror is staring back at you, this person who has this incessant need to touch, feel, and speak to another human being. You’re the one who goes home at night to the house of chaos and closes themselves in, not to be bothered with the rest of the world. A closed book who does not need friends nor lovers, but only those who have to be involved in the life on a necessary basis. Oh unfathomable it is that you are realizing that someone has cracked that shell, that shell of harden life that has been there for so very long, as long as you can remember. You do not let people in, for that is your protection. You allow them only so far, as to keep your pieces whole and your mind intact. You do not say the words that mean so much for you do not mean them when you say them. However, you have said them and it scared the living hell out of you. Do they know that you meant it? Do they know that you do not want to take those words back, that you want them to be out there, to resonate with them, to stay with them so they know that they mean the world to at least one soul on this earth? Do they know that the insides of you are twisted in this complete and utter state of turmoil because they know that it is a such a risk loving them, for you know that it could come crashing down at any moment. That they, as you, are a complete free spirit not to be tamed, and your heart knows that at any moment the “we need to talk” conversation is right around the corner. Never have you fallen, never have you fallen for someone. You have cared, you have tripped. However, in your lifetime you have kept your balance only teetering a few times. You’re in a tail-spin of epic proportions, only holding on to the notion of “ 80”. Your heart and mind knowing what a struggle, but realizing that the wait you have had has been harder then the dance you must endure now. For now you must only hope that their dance card is not full, and that they do save the last dance for you.