The Grinch and Cindy Lou Who

A Fairy tale cannot be told until it is complete, as so this story will not be played out just yet. However, as it where, this story is just beginning. A story of a long awaited fairy tale, twisted as it might be, of two people who may not have been right at the time but are right at this time. A Grinch with a heart of ice, being melted bit by bit by little Cindy Lou Who whom he never saw coming. A small meeting that turned into quite the love affair, turning to very lonesome kindred spirits into a inseparable being. Even though she is so scared of her life engulfing him and scaring him, and as scared as he is of loving her- they keep going. This is the ultimate story of time tested love, affection, and plain old-fashion fairy tales.

Pieces.

Everyone, no matter in what capacity, has a past that precedes the current venture in which they are finding themselves partaking in. May that venture be a relationship, a new career, or just new path in life? Which ever that may be, the past before it creates blocks, curves, and twists in which we base our reactions to the new path that lies before us. Some of us pick up these pieces, one at a time, hoping that by the time we reach the end, we will have slowly but surely put them back together in the way they were meant to be laid out. Others just head strong their way through it, hoping without hope that eventually that end of the line is a hell of a lot brighter than the start of it. Either of us right, no one knows but we all must try out our own way of coping and prodding through. It’s the only way to survive this crazy world. It is never easy, finding out where we belong. Maybe we just can’t “belong” anywhere. Maybe we weren’t meant to just stay in “one” place. Maybe that is just a cynics way of verbally making her life seem better by stating what her life is what is supposed to be, rather than making what could be the path that should be.

Save the Last Dance?

Thoughts jumbled, mind racing. You cannot even start to wrap your mind around what in the hell is happening to you. You pick up the phone twenty times just to put it back down again, shaking your head that you even picked it up. You stop yourself by screaming into the mirror, asking what it is that you think you are doing. You look yourself dead in the eyes, asking the ultimate question- Can you do this? Is this actually something you can accomplish? You leave a trail of mass destruction behind you farther and wider than any hurricane or Tsunami ever recorded. You know you are incapable of bullshit, intolerable of closeness, yet you stand here completely vulnerable because you, the iron wall of emotions and strength have been completely obliterated. You have no idea who the person there in mirror is staring back at you, this person who has this incessant need to touch, feel, and speak to another human being. You’re the one who goes home at night to the house of chaos and closes themselves in, not to be bothered with the rest of the world. A closed book who does not need friends nor lovers, but only those who have to be involved in the life on a necessary basis. Oh unfathomable it is that you are realizing that someone has cracked that shell, that shell of harden life that has been there for so very long, as long as you can remember. You do not let people in, for that is your protection. You allow them only so far, as to keep your pieces whole and your mind intact. You do not say the words that mean so much for you do not mean them when you say them. However, you have said them and it scared the living hell out of you. Do they know that you meant it? Do they know that you do not want to take those words back, that you want them to be out there, to resonate with them, to stay with them so they know that they mean the world to at least one soul on this earth? Do they know that the insides of you are twisted in this complete and utter state of turmoil because they know that it is a such a risk loving them, for you know that it could come crashing down at any moment. That they, as you, are a complete free spirit not to be tamed, and your heart knows that at any moment the “we need to talk” conversation is right around the corner. Never have you fallen, never have you fallen for someone. You have cared, you have tripped. However, in your lifetime you have kept your balance only teetering a few times. You’re in a tail-spin of epic proportions, only holding on to the notion of “ 80”. Your heart and mind knowing what a struggle, but realizing that the wait you have had has been harder then the dance you must endure now. For now you must only hope that their dance card is not full, and that they do save the last dance for you.

Why Must Everything End in Love?

Disclaimer: The following post was composed after a converstation with a few people who could not understand why we all must be in love or committed in some fashion. This being posed to a die-hard end-all be all Casablanca type romantic ( even though sadley I must confess I am one of those people!)...Sheeshh!!!

When we think about relationships and ultimately sex, we equate that to love. Why does everything have to end in love? Are we supposed to have this fulfilling notion each and every time we find ourselves attracted to an individual? In our society it seems as if we say if you’re not in love or you not attached, you’re broken. You have some piece of the puzzle missing and you just simply cannot be whole until you find it. Wouldn’t it be a shocker to most to find out that some of us are just happy and content not having to argue over which side of the bed to sleep on or who was the last to use the toilet paper! These little things are quite nice on occasion but for the most part can be quite tedious and time constraining. Why can’t a relationship be just a relationship? Two people share conversation, they laugh, they eat together on occasion, and yes, there are intimate moments shared between the two. However, they have separate lives, homes, and know where their limits are. What is broken about that? Why does society have such an outlook on people who know who they are and are not afraid of being themselves?

Only Time Will Tell.

As I sit here thinking about life,relationships, and love I have come to realize something. There is no plan, no script in which to follow. Nothing prepares you for how to feel or what to say. Oh how I wish there was. I realize that trying is not what is needed. Letting life happen is how the romance is evolved. If you just sit back and watch life roll by like the gentle breeze or the tide, you find that things come full circle, no matter how lost you think it has become. No, it may not be exactly how you pictured it but it happens. I have started to learn that putting away the hurt and the fear is the only way to find true peace within yourself. I am not completely there yet, in fact I feel I have a long, long way to go. However, I have started to let go of some of my anxiety about life and my shortcomings. I have started to understand that just breathing in and out is all that can be done on certain days. Sitting still in a dark room, closing your eyes to hear only your breath and "Sweet Baby James" sifting softly from the stereo is all that can be accomplished to keep your head above water. It is a lonely road, love and "LIKE" when you get right down to it. Not one person perceives it the same. It is a mix of emotions and ideas that can get jumbled so quickly. Some perceive it as a gift, some perceive it as a curse. Sometimes, both. In the end, we all find it and embrace it. Whether it be for a lifetime or for just a few moments. Which ever it is, I think that at this point in my life I am better prepared to handle which ever comes down my sandy, palm lined path. I will be sitting in the beach chair, watching the waves calmly roll in, waiting for a chance at my "happy". I do not know how or why that will happen. Maybe it won't. All I can say is " Here's Lookin' at you Kid' when it does.

Never Again or Never Say Never

Is life now so jaded for those who have lost in love that we might just never recover? This is the feeling and question I come across more often than not when talking with others about love. More to the point, when talking to myself about love I have the inability to convince myself that optimism can lead to greatness. It is just a greater feeling of relief to allow myself to sit back and just say “never again”. Should I really be saying “never say never?” It is a perplexing thought to me when trying to think of the opposite sex in anything other than friendship form. Can we really let go of those feelings of despair and loneliness from past experiences and relationships to forge new ones? Or do we just go through life piece mealing each relationship into the next, trying to make the perfect match instead of just letting it happen? I have found that we become just so sensitive to our own thoughts and agendas that we forget that the other people that we are “involved” with may have an opinion of their own. Or more importantly, may have more to say then we do. It is a never-ending, up-hill battle that seems to find many of us tired and at wits end. As I recall a conversation with a very close friend of mine, he stated to me that “He felt as if he had to control all things for that way he had the power as to control the hurt”. Are we all going to be in this endless power struggle because neither side trusts the other when all is said and done? Are we to that horrid point in life that no one is to be happy because romance and genuine feelings are a thing of the past? It is such a sad state of affairs. I will admit, I am guilty as charged in the “Please do not hug me-I might break” society. Maybe it is a shield to protect myself; maybe I am missing a sensitivity chip and will never be able to openly accept affection. Is it a defect or is it just from years of constant pain, sorrow, and let-down that has brought me to the notion that it is just easier to not have love than it is to lose it?