Can it be?

We get out of bed, turn on the water and start the motions of the day. We take our actions for granted each and ever day it seems, realizing that there is never going to be a time where we stop and say “ enough is enough” and try to recapture the essence of what it was that we thought we were or could have been. Or, is there? Is there going to come a point that we all just throw up our hands and figure out that it is going to be enough, that we are going to get to stand along that fence line with the smile that we seemed to have misplaced so very long ago? I can say that I have found that smile escaping from my lips as of late. How, it seems to be a miracle, and still a bit perplexing. However, even in its peculiarity, it is escaping. Is it the new adventure that I have started, possibly? Could it be that I have finally ended where I started somewhere in the vicinity of thirteen years ago, probably. Or, is it just the fact that life is just life and I have come to terms with the fact that I am my mother’s daughter and that I better just sit back and make some damn good lemonade with that bundle of lemons that I have been thrown?

It takes Only One ....

How can one person, just one person, take the perspective you have had on a certain topic and totally annihilate it in one grand swoop? You hold a certain view of how relationships are and how people are, and then someone comes along and makes a total sham of what you thought originally. Frankly, it scares the hell out of me. You think you feel a certain way about a person, you go through the motions, then they say or do something and you find yourself looking in the mirror saying “you’re in trouble here”, secretly hoping that somewhere they are saying the same thing. You can’t say anything, for you know that if you do, they are going to go running, screaming into the night, so you sit. You wait for their next move. Knowing that you’re not going anywhere, they are not going anywhere, but you wait. However, while waiting, they have no idea that you have fallen for them hard and without warning. It is such a helpless feeling, the feeling of knowing how you feel but not how they do. Well, you know but you don’t. It is a roller coaster ride that is for the record books and one that neither one of you will ever forget.

Can't We Just Say It Already?

Watching television last night, I watched Charlie from Two and Half Men find his heart. Well, maybe not his heart, but he found a spot in an emotional desert that had not been breached in ages or maybe ever. He actually started missing another human being. I see this in others quite often in our society which shows how much we have cut off each other in our hardened world. Why have we become so latent in our emotions that we feel so little for the opposite sex? That we are afraid to tell the ones that we love or like with such ferocity that we are having those said emotions? Do we have such little faith in our own selves as of late that we do not feel that we will survive the ordeal if in fact it turns south? What if we do not take that chance and it was the chance of a lifetime? What if that was our Cinderella or Casablanca moment, are we just willing to watch that wither away for a fear of intimacy or rejection?

Seatbelt's Anyone?

Can we really just keep it simple? That is the question I am posed with at the moment. Can you keep something simple even though the history that is there is more profound then subtle? I talked previously about how things are different for each individual, however, when writing that I did not realize how hard those very true words would be. It is a agonizing ordeal to watch someone that is so close to your heart either hurt, have confusion, or just not realize what your feeling and you cannot talk to them about it for it will push them farther away. That your not expecting them to jump in the air and feel all the emotions you are, for that is just not life. If life were easy, it wouldn't be worth living. In all honesty, you just try to make the person feel special. To let someone know that they have touched another person in such a prolific way, who doesn't want to hear that?Life is just one big,complicated roller coaster ride, always moving always turning. If you don't have your seat belt on, it may just dump you at turn 3.

Quiet

Why can we not speak our minds? Why is it so hard to express thoughts, emotions, and desires to one another? Is it the evolution of past experiences that bind us to this never-ending silence, that we sit in our silence and fret over what should have been said or needs to be said instead of just being honest and forthcoming. We sit in our miserable states waiting for someone to talk, no matter how painful the topic might become or already is. We need that ability to move on in life, be it the way you want or the process of healing. Either way, it is a silence that cannot be ignored for it will consume every inch of you, inhabit your thoughts, and invade your soul until you are paralyzed with uncertainty. The sound of silence can be refreshing but it also can be a permanent reminder of just how alone we really are.

Awkward Silence

It’s that moment, the one with the awkward silence. Someone wants to say something, needs to say something, yet everything remains unsaid. The air palpable while you wait for the next word or breath to be taken. Why is it that we are so afraid of our emotions, or other people’s emotions for that matter? Why can we just not be truthful with each other? I know that the past is a major player in the the game of hide and seek of emotion and feelings, but what are we really gaining by keeping the right to remain silent?

Choosing the Path.

Confused, bewildered, befuddled, all words that describe learning about life, love, and just being alive. One minute things seem to be right on track, maybe a bit askew from where you thought they would be, but nonetheless going on a good path. Bam!!! You are blindsided by feelings that come from no where. Am I ok? Did I do something wrong? Am I making sure I did everything right? Insecurity is a bitch and there is nothing any of us can do about it but sit and hope for the best when it strikes. We all have been there, do not try to sell me out on you have never experienced it. We all have, for we all have own little peccadilloes. You try and tell yourself that your ok with everything in your life, you go from day to day making the ends meet, the I’s dotted, and the t’s crossed. Then you look at the person in the mirror one day and just say “Who the hell are you and what are you doing?” You find yourself confronted with situations where you thought you would feel one thing but you’re on the complete other side of the spectrum when you come right to it. The road that we choose I think in reality chooses us. We tend to never be able to make our own paths, we may be able to lay the foundations, but the path itself is a completely insane journey of twists, turns, and ultimately a few tears that cannot be foretold. It is never easy this life, but then again,if it were easy it wouldn’t be worth living.